Friday, September 30, 2011

Diva Demands and the PAWS Principle

September 30, 2010

“Hello My Darlings”:

Today, I’m going to share with you some ‘cat secrets’ and tools to manipulate your humans!  I simply call them Diva Demands.  We will be looking at how tools can be used during the day at feeding times.
Use the PAWS Principal: Persistence, Attitude, Will and Stealth.

Breakfast:  I call this the ‘dawn chorus;’ get those humans REALLY ANNOYED. Wake them up while they are trying to sleep!  Watch to see if their eyes are shut, jump on the bed and in a loud earth shattering meow scream in their ear! That should do it.  If they are heavy sleepers, sit outside of the bedroom door way or living room and use your best opera voice, the higher the octave the better.  They usually will respond.  If that doesn’t, see if a guest is in the house and use the same procedure.  Now you will have two humans annoyed, you get your breakfast and the servants have bowed down to your demands.  Remember: the Diva rules the roost.

Give it to ME or I'LL SCREAM MY HEAD OFF!!

Lunch:  You can be more creative here darlings, as the humans will be alerted to your ASB (Attention Seeking Behaviour).   Try to use a little strategy here, darlings! Think of humans as chess pieces that can be easily manipulated (at will).  When the food is on the table (and they are not looking) steal a morsel from one of the plates, whatever is closest to the edge or on top. Keep checking your field of vision and use your nose and ears to alert you of any movement. 

Keep a heads-up on the humans movements!
Ha yes, a little EXTRA drama to TUG at their hearts
---works all the time!!

Supper:  Ah yes, these humans are bound to be tired so you can get them at their weakest. Run around, scream in their faces. As they are preparing their meal, sit and observe them. In an operatic voice scream and howl until they are simply dizzy. Remember my story about the Pizza Party. Sit on the floor at the supper table, look at each one of them intently in their eyes.

I will hypnotize you NOW! "I will steal your food"

Well what! Obey me or ELSE!

 Screw up your face into scary mode, widen and make your eyes into slits….then meow braking their attention and conversation.  If there are two humans, move your head from right to left and maintain eye contact.  Use drama in your voice repertoire (trills, screech, meow and octaves) by changing up the tone and intensity.
Remember darlings, YOU always have the last word – humans are here to SERVE!!
Apply the PAWS Principles everyday – if you have any stories or tools to share, let me know.

So what -- think  I'm sleeping? Guess again - I'm planning THE  NEXT ATTACK!
Ciao, Darlings!

"Happy Birthday Sterling" &^. .^&


SF Girl said...

Well done, Diva! I feel wonderfully manipulated already! LOL!

Love you, girl! Keep those humans guessing!


Toulouse LeTrek said...

LOL! Diva, don't ever change! MOEW!

Your friend,
p.s. I will keep your advice close... :-3

Cathy P. said...

I don't think I'll let Lily readthis post! Hey Toulouse, you can't spell! Especially "MEOW"

ramonalisa said...

Well, my dear Diva, after absorbing your blog post I remember my Prrrrrrettty Kitties keeping me on my toes. I miss them dearly even if they manipulated me.

CatMum said...

Dear Ramonlisa:
We delight in your name -- you must be a diva too. "How do you do"? Thank you for your lovely comments. Well, we kitties love to humans on the alert. I really caught the attention of my companion! Guess what I did, as her back was turned....I grabbed the pie crust and ran off with it - I was hungry! We love to hear from you -- :D