Diva Demands and the PAWS Principle

September 30, 2010

“Hello My Darlings”:

Today, I’m going to share with you some ‘cat secrets’ and tools to manipulate your humans!  I simply call them Diva Demands.  We will be looking at how tools can be used during the day at feeding times.

Use the PAWS Principal: Persistence, Attitude, Will and Stealth.

Breakfast:  I call this the ‘dawn chorus;’ get those humans REALLY ANNOYED. Wake them up while they are trying to sleep!  Watch to see if their eyes are shut, jump on the bed and in a loud earth shattering meow scream in their ear! That should do it.  If they are heavy sleepers, sit outside of the bedroom door way or living room and use your best opera voice, the higher the octave the better.  They usually will respond.  If that doesn’t, see if a guest is in the house and use the same procedure.  Now you will have two humans annoyed, you get your breakfast and the servants have bowed down to your demands.  Remember: the Diva rules the roost.

Give it to ME or I'LL SCREAM MY HEAD OFF!!

Lunch:  You can be more creative here darlings, as the humans will be alerted to your ASB (Attention Seeking Behaviour).   Try to use a little strategy here, darlings! Think of humans as chess pieces that can be easily manipulated (at will).  When the food is on the table (and they are not looking) steal a morsel from one of the plates, whatever is closest to the edge or on top. Keep checking your field of vision and use your nose and ears to alert you of any movement. 

Keep a heads-up on the humans movements!

Ha yes, a little EXTRA drama to TUG at their hearts
---works all the time!!

Supper:  Ah yes, these humans are bound to be tired so you can get them at their weakest. Run around, scream in their faces. As they are preparing their meal, sit and observe them. In an operatic voice scream and howl until they are simply dizzy. Remember my story about the Pizza Party. Sit on the floor at the supper table, look at each one of them intently in their eyes.

I will hypnotize you NOW! "I will steal your food"

Well what! Obey me or ELSE!

 Screw up your face into scary mode, widen and make your eyes into slits….then meow braking their attention and conversation.  If there are two humans, move your head from right to left and maintain eye contact.  Use drama in your voice repertoire (trills, screech, meow and octaves) by changing up the tone and intensity.

Remember darlings, YOU always have the last word – humans are here to SERVE!!

Apply the PAWS Principles everyday – if you have any stories or tools to share, let me know.

So what -- think  I'm sleeping? Guess again - I'm planning THE  NEXT ATTACK!

Ciao, Darlings!


"Happy Birthday Sterling" &^. .^&

The Pizza Party.....the Morning After

May 26, 2011

More Tales from the Diva Files:

The Pizza Party – and the morning after –

The welcome and arrival: Miss Diva was feeling the energy of the spring time, viewing the lush baby green leaves as they revealed their new coats she decided to have a Pizza. This was to honour her friends, Auntie Nina, Toulouse Le Trek and her cousin Pig cat.   

Toulouse Le Trek 

 Pig Cat

She had just been at the groomers and her coat shone like gleaming a sparkling lake. The Diva was ready to receive her subjects.  The excitement was much like the opening of a premier.     

Upon reflection, not until the menu planning was finalized did this invoke the kitten memories of when she was a pregnant mother. The yellow texture of the pineapple, married with the soft sweet ham, made a delightful combination.

Come and Get It!!

The silence was broken for a moment to ‘ding, dong’; her quests had arrived. Toulouse Le Trek the Cool Travelling Cat came with his Auntie Nina.  Pig Cat (her cousin) smiled with a wide –eyed grin as she recognized her friends. Miss Diva ran around the room distracted by the overwhelming aromas.  The table was set, polite chomping filled the air resonating with the classical music in the background.

Heaven Scent

      

Tummies full and sighs of contentment, glances of smiles were exchanged between Miss Diva and her guests.  It was a lovely evening with the chatter of memories and new ones.   The gentle tick-tock of the clock struck ten, reminded everyone that it was bedtime.  Hugs all around and promises of future gatherings filled her soul with delight.

The morning after:

Diva With A Mission

                             

Miss Diva awakes early feeling a little peckish (is there any more pizza left umm – a good way to tell whether a pizza is really good, is determined by how it tastes cold the next morning.   Ah ha if I sneak into the kitchen where the pizza box is – I should be able to get a morsel. I can do this without waking up the whole house hold?)

Stealthy, she creeps on her belly listening and watching, as she moved toward the kitchen where her reward will be found.  (I will use all detective skills to get what I want …for I am the consummate Diva).   She has squeezes behind the recycling. Plying open the box with her paws, being careful not to wake up her human companion she would be annoyed.  (Oh my, oh, my, I have to have that last morsel ….I will not give up on my mission I will be victorious. The box is standing upright…I wriggle my whiskers…pointing nose into the air …what do I smell….tomato ham and pineapple. There must be something left in the box.  I must stand on my toes, and use my paws to open the box!!

Miss Diva looks back into the hallway, glancing at the slightly open bedroom door where her human companion is ….all is good she is sleeping soundly. She stands on her hind legs stretching upward, grasping with paws on box (a little pressure. Good…good).   In deafening crash, thunk, thunk, came down the box, clanging like Notre Dame Cathedral.  Miss Diva feels the knot in her stomach; much like she does before performing…it goes away when she utters the first few words of a script.

Smack, smack went go her lips, tongue lapping in unison like windscreen wipers. Whiskers hovering in delight, pink tongue capturing the flavours of the night before.  (I am in my element).

She feels the eyes in the back of my head…my intuition doesn’t feel right. (I think I’m being watched)? She hears the movement of feet. It sounds like human footsteps (oh no, oh no, I’m in trouble).  


Silence breaks to a sound not of her own diva voice.  Bellowing out in a high pitched commanding voice, “Miss Diva, what on earth are you doing; you have woken the whole household…the kitchen is a complete shambles, who do you think is going to clean it up....hmmmmm?”
 

She looks up fearing to meet the eyes of her companion.  Their eyes meet for a moment, she reads her companions face, one of anger mixed with tough love.  Her companion uttered one more command.  “Go back to bed while I fix this mess…….we will talk about his later.” 

Life is Good in Diva Land

Feeling relieved, Miss Diva retires to her soft cat bed. She hears a muttering of the voice from the kitchen, "this is typical diva behaviour aren’t all of them like this – from one extreme to another."  Humans like to feel they are the boss, however I know differently!